I caved in to McDonalds

I found myself saying to Brandon "....dont drink all the sugar soda, finish your processed food first!" I then thought of Alec Guiness in 1957 movie Bridge Over the River Kwai- "...What have I done". I try to eat healthy, I exercise and practice yoga, I meditate and try to find grounding every day (or at least when my schedule is busiest-yes, 30 minutes of mediation is important to the brain, you can think clearer and more creatively without having to rely on instinctual desision making). Recently I have been driven to perform my best with the goal of service to all those around me. My left brain has to shout its way through creative conscious thinking and say, "watch out, people will take advantage of you!" Luckily, with Deepak, David Simon and Davidji's teachings, I have been able to tap into the right brain to realize there is an interconnectedness to nature and others that is self supportive. That enigma referred to as Universal Consciousness supports what contributes to it and ingores what takes away from it. Listening to the conversations those 100 trillion cells of energy in my body have I will pour out to those that seem to need guidance and help and move away from those that selfishly take away without contributing back. In contemplating my journey to where I am now, the movitation for lifestyle change was initiated when the place I was working for changed the rules of how I earned a living. How dare they interfere with my life plan even if they are the organization I work for. Starting on my quest, I got some hints along the way of where to go, to learn, and how I could best offer talents. Initially resisting the calling, it was tough to figure what all these life experiences meant. Why should I have to pay for meeting Deepak Chopra or listening to him lecture about concepts "I could easily read on Wikipedia or Google Scholar." I don't need to take Andrew Weils fellowship, "I practice complimentary medicine already just by exercising and taking vitamins." I don't need to learn acpuncture, "my sports medicine training is proven to fix physical ailments regular doctors dont handle right." But as I surrendered to the messages my right brain was giving me to be humble and learn to heal, I kept on getting answers that were given back like little keys that unlocked doorways to vast places of knowledge and information. It is a beautiful thing to feel connected and involved in the shaping and evolution of people and the world. Naysayers will usually interject, "how will you pay the bills", "thats all good but kids have to be disciplined", "what if someone is drug seeking"? I now choose not to listen to those instinctual call outs from the left brain.....or what Wayne Dyer calls the ego. (that youthful way of thinking "I am number one, everything evolves around me, who I am is what I own or the degree I claim") One of the most common times for getting the ah ha moment of figuring interconnectedness is on the "death bed".....suddenly realization is reached that we all breath as one energy source (light) at which point forgivness is asked. I have a long trek ahead to learn and serve but along the journey......I have to realize "not everyone is ready to accept this form of "start saving the world by being healthy, offering random acts of kindness, trying to exude health and happiness and perhaps push it to everyone". Love, health and happiness is a concept that should emminate and be absorbed readily, it should be anonymously offered. Push is a counter productive word and concept that brings me back to what I noted this morning. I have to remind myself, just maintain my health and live right, those around me will in some way also feel benefit, I cant make everyone see the light like I see it...... letting Brandon eat what I eat is good. Letting him eat what his freinds on ritalin eat is good. The beauty comes when he turns around without any prompting and has to think; "Dad....is this healthy?" I have just "immunized" him against all the crap the food industry and the pharmaceutical industry are pushing unknowingly on a public that is defenseless.


I like to teach the world to sing......

My HMO Mechanic

So after some time of not driving my "fancy car", I took it out of storage and decided to get all its problems fixed up so I could sell it. I was content to say goodbye mostly because it wasnt serving me and I just dont feel the need for speed anymore. (I fact just the opposite, I am enjoying all of life as I am not rushed to do things). So I take it back to the best Porsche Mechanic around, these guys have the only paddock for mechanics at the Autobahn-a major high speed raceway in Joliet IL. I had several issues with leaking fluid, a noisy joint to both left and right, and more annoying- a constant SQUEEK from a worn part to my steering. If I still had enough garage space, I would fix them myself, I love taking things apart to see how they truely work inside! So I drop the car off with a list of things but I stress I need the suspension and squeeky noise looked into. I called several times to tell them this while they gave me updates on the gargantuan rebuilding of things I didnt need but they said "if you fix this, it will sell fast". ( I am just a peaceful man and want my squeek taken care of, it already goes fast enough for me.) I approved of a limited portion of the mega rebuild project that mirrors the US deficit and again finished my conversation with...."oh and don't forget that annoying squeek." Pick up day approaches and I am kinda excited to drive my squeekless car with a new rear main seal, two new wheel bearings and so much torque it can be in the next Fast and Furious movie minus the bikini's (although I have been told I am a looker in a speedo). So I see the car in the garage shop driveway....just like visualizing a halo around the shiny little red car just as I purchased it when it was only a little baby german machine and hearing angels sing aaahhhhhh in the background. I get in, open the door sit in and SQUEEEK as I turn the steering wheel.

It reminds me of an HMO surgeon who has no time for small talk. You tell them that the problem is in your knee as you call for an appointment. You tell the nurse the knee has been bothering you and thank god she finally took you into the room. After waiting dressed in a paper robe that sticks to your butt and underarms, you tell the surgeon what the symptoms on the internet said you had and wait for him to say "yes you are right" so you can go on with the treatment as Wikipedia says you need. You finally decide on the procedure for that knee and after waking up in recovery, SQUEEEK.... they do the wrong knee!

Is it just me....when I sat down to eat lunch yesterday, one of the docs in the neigboring offices came by the kitchen and said hello. The problem was the way he said it, most of his sentences were spoken very fast with and added personal note tagged on at the the end as if he was trying to get alot of information out with one breath. Like including and answer to my observation, a reason for the answer and personal tidbit for why the reason is right. And the sentence ended with the initiation of his physical movment out of the room we were speaking in. I felt guilty I was more in observation of his fast speech than the content of his thought. "Do I talk like that?"...I wondered. "Will he let me respond?"....I thought. "Is he really walking away before I can give my opinion?".....I worried. Bottom line, people are pressured to respond without listening to the entire question due to a stress response. When not relaxed, abstract creative thinking parts of the brain are turned off (to survive the human brain doesnt process things in the big frontal brain-it uses instinctual primitive brain stem paths to work) and quick responding, non emotional "anger or sex" ideas take over actions. If speaking to someone about trivial things....let them talk their breath out, dont expect to get a word in, no need to fight or answer sentence for sentence. BUT...if it involves your property, your family or your life, make sure it is clearly stated after their "Word Salad" they vomit up, your expectations and make them respond yes or no. The under paid, over worked person who is used to dealing with hundreds of questions with preprinted responses will probably not be listening to begin with. Point in fact....people that blurt out answers or additional questions as you are speaking, do you really think they are paying attention to what you are saying as they formulate their "Blurt"? Thats ok for trivial things like, "can I have a cookie" or "is Lady Gaga a man"; if a doctor is about to give you a standard answer followed by a standard prescription or surgical proceedure (soundeffect of tires screeching to a halt!!!!) ...MAKE.......THEM.....LISTEN!

Dirt

It seems so far off to think by staying healthy and getting off medicine, you can impact the health of the planet. It is true. I watched Dirt The Movie with the kids to support local green movement but was surprised to fall into the emotion of the movie. I am well versed with the ins and outs of human life and traditional and alternative ways to live. I know alot about the pharmaceutical industry, a good amount about organic and local farmers. I had no idea about how we impact the life of the planet (including greenhouse gas and global warming) by choosing to purchase a box of sugar coated cereal instead of organically grown fruits and vegetables. Tearing down centuries old mountains for minerals to serve a small fraction of the humans on the planet, destroying vast praries to plant one form of vegitation (wheat) that the majority of the US is now allergic to or to push on the public that milk a protein from another animal species is ok to drink until we are well into cancer age (although now cancer doesnt attack 60 and above-I am seeing 40 year olds with new diagnosis being placed on chemo therapy and told "diet doesnt matter, its just your genes")

I have to refer back to a common source, Samuel Kaymen CEO of Stonyfield Farm has fought through conventional dairy industry to maintain organic status and put out non pesticide laden food products because he believed in a product concept that would be healthier for people and an agriculture concept that was being battered by big industry and politics at the sacrifice of the taxpayers health. The average tax payer, supports without knowing it, the companies that produce and process wheat. The same companies that process the seed for the single crop, have to battle the insects that eat the vast fields of wheat so what better way to fight a bug than to put the pesticide in the dna of the seed!!!! Yay.....if the wheat seed was "friendly" to the pesticide, a plan could spray the nastiest chemical (think of the rat poisons in your basement and crawlspace) on the field and not have the plant die. The only thing that dies is the insect!!!

Wait.....the seed the blossoms into a wheat plant has DNA spliced into its gene that tells it "pesticide is ok". The plant that is sprayed with pesticide recognizes the chemical and is not affected by the poison. The insect and rodent that eat the plant laced with poison die since their DNA dont recognize the poison. But then the human will eat the same plant as the insect and rodent? Oh....the pesticide is safe for human consumption since humans are complex and have smart livers that break down anything. Oh ....wait, those are the same livers already breaking down tobacco, alcohol, prescription drugs, tylenol and dealing with high processed sugars. Oh wait....those livers belong to a society of humans working 50-60 hours a week, sedentary, obese and dealing with stressed lives by drinking, smoking, not exercising for lack of time and hunting for processed food high in fructose and wheat. Oh wait....isnt that eating more of the wheat that is Genetically Modified with foreign DNA and laced with pesticide?

Kathy told me of her mother in law who didnt like to visit doctors but was taken to the ER for hip pain. The xrays, MRI and physical exam all were normal. Because she was screaming the Ortho gave a pain shot and great results!!! She felt great, finally no suffering from what the doc said was not a fracture. She is a complex lady, 70 years old with other medical and mental stressors that had pain. Doc listened to the screaming, looked at her hip and gave a powerful medicine for the screaming. No more screaming is a good thing....until the medicine wears off. Screaming again, hip is the same, give the same medicine. By the time she was hooked on the pain medicine, still with screaming as it wore off, the nurses had to transfer her to a single "quiet" room then off to a rehab center since they couldnt handle her. And the nursing home will take her since she has medicare/ the chronic pain center or the drug withdrawal treatment center dont take government insurance. No one checked into other medical problems or mental stressors....they just focused on her hip being normal.

It seems like a strong chemical took care of an annoying problem that continued to surface itself but no one looked at the long term effects of how that chemical impacted the person eating it, the people caring to the person eating it, the healthcare insurance (our taxed paychecks) that pays for the place that will care for her and the medicines we will pay for to feed the addiction she has developed. If we dont pay attention to health (Grow organic/Stay healthy), If we only take shortcuts (Pesticides/Treating the Pain not the Person), If we dont look for other natural solutions (continue spraying more bulletproof fields instead of growing organic farms/continue giving medicine to quiet down screaming not treat the addiction and true source of the suffering) We will only add to the problem of pesticides in our food, deforestation, global warming, nuclear energy dependance/rising healthcare costs, pharmaceutical dependance, and the highest rate of obesity and cancer in the history of mankind.

I cannot speak for the global impact to the planet but I am confident that since I have made the decision to eat healthy, exercise, care for others and help my environment, I will probably outlive some of my childrens friends who are not doing the same. Watch these films:

Dirt The Movie

Food Inc

The Future of Food

Food Matters

Supersize Me

The Estrogen in Me

I was about 2 inches away from my wife this morning, face to face and I was just drawn back to the first time we met. (It reminded me of a scene from the Disney movie Ratatouille when the hard nosed food critic got ready to sample food and just as he took his first spoonful, the magic of CGI zoomed in on his eyes with amazement and took us through a journey of life flashes bringing him back to a childhood outside his house being comforted by mom and then offered moms same version of the dish up to his first bite as a kid)

Ratatouille Clip

Anyway, usually we just kiss each other goodbye and travel onto our separate lives at work. This time I slowed things things down and it brought me back to 1988 when we first kissed outside a jazz nightclub in the Philippines (Birds of a Feather). I wont bore anyone with details (and those are just for me and Cristina anyway), but when young love is new, look at the physiology of what happens. You get an endorphine rush but it is not truely a fight or flight reponse, it is the same biologic response to get ready for action but in humans it is also "laced" by the hormones of love (the parasympathetic system); oxytocin (the same hormone mom secretes when a baby is born) and serotonin (the one that is often synthetically increased by Zoloft, Prozac, Paxil....) This great internal environment/feeling created by the body is in Darwinian terms-essential for survival of the species. In Einsteinean energy theories, the feeling created within two humans by opening to each others "grace", is something we all have within us but are told by societies rules, don't let anyone see it (especially as a man growing up in the US) for fear that someone or something will take it away.

Truth is that 70% of the visits to a physicians office or ER now are based on uncontrolled pure stress response and not enough relaxation response. They need to both exist in use but not to the point of all stress and little to no relaxation. I give pills to give some chemical relief or the hormone imbalance but they are meant to be temporary. Usually what happens is you walk out of the doctors office feeling good that there is a plan to fell better (placebo response!) then start the pills. Ooops.....no one said what to do next. The thinking is usually, I don't want to see a psychologist "cause I'm not crazy". But how are we supposed to heal up when as adults we have painted ourselves into a corner of take on stress everyday but dont allow the relaxation hormones out. Alcohol, high glycemic food, TV, more adrenaline with "taking it out on someone weaker" or just going to sleep? Yeah, that is a great way to neutralize adrenaline, epinephrine, cortisol and dopamine. I will tell you that more than half of the hypertensives I see can get off their medicines with daily practice of the relaxation response.

Andy Weil and the Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine teach their fellows to take a more extended history from patients and mine is always asking about the practice of spirituality. This would be meditation, mindful eating, nature walks, listening to your inner voice of peace. The usual answer 9 of 10 times is, "oh, I am catholic" or "I don't practice" spirituality. This too is an exercise that has to be cultivated and developed. The Dahli Lama (who I will be seeing in July!) has had to practice this for a lifetime can get distracted. I hold introduction lectures to meditation and usually with first timers, a lot of emotion is released just because they experience a feeling that essentially has been tucked away since childhood. (show me a child that is playful and hypertensive and I will give you free personal healthcare for life!)

Anyway, here is an easy opportunity to create an "internal mileau" or environment conducive to staying healthy and getting off blood pressure medicine: Go home, don't vent about the stress of the day....just quietly, slowly and intentionally hold hands with a loved one, let the feeling circulate, look into the eyes of the loved one, let the feeling build up and when ready slowly hold them and take a slow deep breath together and close the eyes. Pay attention to the feelings that come up from the heart, the ideas and pictures that come to you and then let the breath out. You have just secreted enough serotonin and oxytocin to equal the power of any depression drug I can ever prescribe and yet with no side effects. You have just showered all the cells of the body with a hormone they usually dont get. Cells desire this to work at their maximum potential. Your cells were made to fight disease, toxins, cholesterol and even cancer! They will work better when given the right conditions, you just have to intentionally create the environment inside.

(The Love Response was writen by a friend of mine at Harvard, Eva's work is a great read!)

Why Organic?

http://www.livestream.com/deepakhomebase">Deepak Chopra's interview on Organic and GMO food

A co-teacher trainee from the Chopra Center was kind enough to show this to me. Many have taken the time to watch the documentary Food Inc and be amazed at the backroom politics of the food industry. Bottom line for my patients (and my family including my mother who died of pancreatic cancer) we all have to understand what we are eating. Labeling the foods we buy at the grocery in a carefree manor thinking the grocery has our best interests in mind. Well, just like the pharmaceutical industry, at one point they may have had idea to save lives, now its just to make a big drug that will sell(doesnt have to cure, just sell). Drug companies spend more on marketing than research and development. The government spends more on taking care of sickness than preventing it. This is why the US spends the most on earth on public healthcare (about $5000.00 a person a year) than any other nation but we are ranked 72 in overall health (of 191 countries studied in 2000).
Now people have to be aware, when I encourage them to exercise and diet, the very foods they may be indulging more of (to get off the medicines) can cause another form of illness-toxin induced body aches, autoimmune disease, cancer. You cant just walk into a food store and shop along the periphery. Used to be if you stayed out of the isles of processed foods, you would be eating healthy (this was a 90's concept). Now while in the periphery, you have to read labels, and most of the pesticide/chemical industry that owns the patent on farm seed also has influence on labeling standard for our food products. Organic companies in order to call themselves organic have to pay to get certification on their cows not using hormones, not eating genetically modified feed, not using pesticides in the soil. These small companies have to pay more to the governement to label that they are safer and wont inject your bodies with carcinogens.

http://herbal411faqs.blogspot.com/2009/10/is-it-really-organic.html">Dr Saguil's previous Organic Blog

http://herbal411.blogspot.com/2010/09/genetically-modified-salmon.html">Dr Saguil's blog on Genetically Modified Salmon

It is so hard to shop and be healthy and figure how where to put the paycheck, bills or food? I feel in denial when I pick bills. My mind says I made the right choice because the fruit looks ok, nice and shiny. The veggies appear plump and full with no brown spots. The chicken and fish look like they are clean without cancer spots. The Environmental Working Group has put out a list of the clean 15 and dirty dozen-this is a great starting guide to get you used to making a decision on what to spend the extra money on. If you buy all organic, bless you and most likely you wont be needing to see me in the office or in surgery or in the oncologists office.

I think when people/parents first set the intention to give it a try for a few weeks and live through the change of "stuff" on the kitchen table then it will become do-able for a few more weeks. Off milk onto soy or almond, push away from beef every night and mix it up with poultry fish and legumes. Soon, the belly wont be as fat, the mind will think a little faster and clearer, the body will tolerate more activity or at least recover faster, sleep will come faster and morning will be more rested. Then the exercise becomes something you desire to do (the brain goes from hunting for food to hunting for exercise). Then when exercising more, the body demands or inspires you to shop for better food again the next time you shop. Positive feedback loop. A parent really has to protect the family from the invisible threat. The EWG sponsored a testing of 10 baby cord blood samples (blood from the placenta right after birth) and found an average of 200 chemicals that can cause cancer. These are babies born to moms who follow standard practice of taking prenatal vitamins, avoiding smoke and alcohol and caffeine and only taking tylenol.

Think of how many chemicals are in those adults who don't care about their health. They go onto develop disease, get sick, lose jobs, become financially dependant on the government and there goes our per capita spending again. But having no money is not an excuse, as stated in Deepaks interview, Walmart has even picked up on organic products. Target has also implemented selling organic products. (Although I love Whole Foods Market, you don't have to just shop at WFM to get organic!)

I became health conscious after a series of personal life threats and what unfortunately was the last straw-mom's short battle with cancer. I am down to college weight, have run 2 marathons and plan on climbing Yosemite or Everest Basecamp by my 50th (2012) It is so unfortunate that I just found this feeling inside me now but why worry about the past.

The other side of the fence.

I work as a "fill in doctor" with Alexian Brothers to supplement paying the bills but more importantly to still stay connected to the mood of a traditional medicine practice. I dont want it to sound like I am out of touch from my "perch" of healing with integrative medicine but sometimes I find myself surroundied by healers with positive energy, ideas, and a common intent to serve others. I learned from The Chopra Center that service to others is everyones true dharma or purpose in life. It is a difficult concept to swallow at first but when you step away from childhood mentality of; everything that you do in life is for your benefit, you work hard to buy yourself things, you pay people to service your needs, you get the picture at some point that it is more rewarding to see someone else benefit. You work hard to shelter your kids, you produce a product for the benefit of others, you spend the extra time to educate to empower others, you visit grandma so she smiles. So it is hard to break away from the "me attitude" but when in the company of the like minded, it is easy to continue on and blossom new and better ideas to serve for the benefit of the whole group. Having a constant bombardment of random acts of kindness, I will sometimes forget how the dynamic of suffering feels. I dont mean how people suffer with disease; I am seeing more cancer, chronic pain, obesity, and autoimmune disease than ever before in my office. I mean I sometimes will forget how people are so frustrated with not being able to get a response from their doctor, not being able to ask questions about how they are supposed to heal, not being able to spend time with patients, not being able to get tests scheduled for weeks, not being able to get therapy because it was denied.....

I worked a 13 hour shift yesterday at a busy immediate care center, the first thing I heard when I got in was "yesterday was terrible, we worked 15 hours!!!" It's ok to vent but as my friend John says "I dont like to lament on things that have past" -I didnt let yesterdays news effect my attitude today. Obviously people suffered with a long shift but cant let that change my excitement to change some lives for the better. So I felt it was my duty to help the staff get through the day effortlessly, I used aromatherapy (frankinsense) in all the rooms, I helped call back patients, I opened the blinds and let the sun in to flood the Immediate Care with natural light, at lunchtime, I reminded them that 4 hours just went by and now we are working a regular 9-5 shift "piece of cake!". Then the first challenging patient came in, a dad who was waiting in the room for 30 minutes and counting the minutes. He burst out of the room and said "we have been waiting for 45 minutes and those other patients (whom I was caring for before he even registered) werent here when I came in, how come you are seeing them first?!". Of course I didnt accept his gift of anger and told him I am almost finished with the chart I was writing on and will be there asap. As he reentered his room where his daughter was waiting, he said outloud to her, "if we have to wait anylonger, we'll just leave!" Addressing the staff I immediately said "take a deeep breath" and gave a smile and walked into the next room in line. What kind of leader would I be if I let "a few fight or flight words" control my destiny to heal others. By the time I got into his room, I politely revealed to him the time stamps of arrival for all patients and reassured him I care and want to make his daughter healthy. He actually left happy and appologized to me several times. It seems has has had bad experiences with "the system" in the past and is very frustrated. I gave him some "Dr Saguil Approaches" of how a well informed dad can manuver within the health insurance industry and comeout healthy with little effort and frustratio. I forgot how complicated it is for a dad/parent/patient to get someone to be an advocate for their health and wellness. I forgot how unpleasant a feeling it is to get little time with a doctor, little help from the medical community, and little information to empower oneself to make an informed decision on the wellbeing of themselves or loved ones. I remember escorting a patient to a well known cancer doctor and waiting about 2-3 hours and we didnt even get to see him....saw all his support staff and got good knowledge but didnt get to meet the star doc. Little frustrating "and they know I was the refering doctor!" but in the end, my patient received great hope on her disease. I cant imagine how she would have done if by herself and without hope of life just because she didnt know where to go or what information to trust. Then I receive a text from my beloved sister that a doctor said Ryan (my nephew) has a short achilles tendon and needs some stretching exercises. I am thinking, who in the world would tell my sister/a mom of 2 that her son has a physical abnormality and just end it with "have him do some stretching exercises" as if the average mom knows the ins and outs of pediatric physical therapy. (Even regular physical therapist don't know the dynamics of therapy applied to a pediatric athlete) I gave her some good inforamtion and guidance on how to look for the right avenues of rehab.

The whole day at the Immediate Care was filled with challenging attitudes the "poorly informed mom" or like the "angry dad" but I didn't let the pervasive attitudes of helplessness with our "disease-care system" effect the way I provided healing. People are hurting with their labels of disease and the difficulty with caring for the disease alone, I don't take this personally. I am thankful for the experience since it allows me to know first hand, how people are not only suffering with symptoms of illness but stress from utilizing the system that is supposed to make them healthy but in the end is making people more diseased! I still rather live on my side of the fence but cant stop caring for my neighbors.

Help a neighbor today!!!!

Serendipity

This last two years has been a fantastic exercise in letting go for me. Let me explain. Rewind back to 2005, the hospital establishment says you are not making money compared to other docs around the US so we have to change something (paycheck of course). I don't blame them, hospitals are a business and they have to produce revenue. I decided after 10 years, this is not the way I wanted to care for people. Stepped away for 18 months (shhh.....restrictive covenant!) Moved the FL closer to Cristina's (the love of my life) mom and decided to try life in a different region and temperature. Two of the best things that came out of the Florida experience was, winter time and being on the roof to hang xmas lights is awesome! ...and due to lack of many doctors, alternative medicine practitioners are flourishing. I learned herbal medicine working with 2 herbalists. Coming back to IL, I was ready to take on hospital medicine but whoops....I didnt have the deep pockets they have and it was painful to save the money to buy the malpractice, office space, advertising....it even costs money to be able to have a charge account to bill patients. Slowly my wife and I got off the ground.

It was during this time I started to listen to my heart. I started with a trip to Harvard to learn from Herb Benson about the "Relaxation Respone". Taught me not to fight the circumstances that present themselves to me...just make a choice and let the results occur. Being in medicine, we are told the being obsessive compulsive gets things done in an organized fashion. (It also gives ulcers, acne, hemarrhoids, sleepless nights and the need to indulge in one of the drugs in the valium family). Then I get wind of Deepak Chopra coming to Chicago for the first time ever to teach doctors.....to coincidental!!!!! I take the course and more of this universe of "alternative thinking" is revealed. No where in the DSM books of psychiatry or text books of neurology does it state there is a "universe" out there. Everything is a series of electrical impulses and chemical secreations. I this thing called mindful medtation and low and behold!!!!......, my sleep is better, my blood pressure is going down and sex....(well my daughter may read this to nevermind)..I was able to hug mommy without a blue pill without a prescription medicine. In my meditations, it felt good to get up early, change my diet, run daily. I went on to sign up for my first Chicago Marathon, started practicing yoga and eating less processed food. As I let go of my old ways of thinking powerlifting and martial arts are the way to go for "tough guys", I found myself wanting to go daily to yoga. I began thinking about different poses in my sleep. (BTW....just to defend my testosterone...we are talking poses that my old friends at Cirque Du Soleil and some olympian gymnasts would crank out, not just down dog for you naysayers) As I let go of all I thought was "guy stuff", these opportunities began to present themselves without effort.

I have always postponed joining Andrew Weil at the Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine for a whole bunch of reasons.....they actually sent me an application at the time I was asking myself "how else can I increase my footprint to this community and let them know I am not a regular doctor". Of course I got in the fellowship. Then trajedy struck and mom came down with pancreatic cancer.........

But I thought this was perfect, although her docs gave her only weeks to live, I had been introduced to a network of doctors that were world famous for healing patients other doctors give no hope to. Again I saw this as my "dharma" or purpose in life. Perfect timing, in the back of my mind I thought, when I save mom, this will be the ultimate statement that when you listen to the universe, answers come. Unfortunately, my training wasn't in time to reverse her cancer. But it was perfect timeing to help me heal my dad, my daughter my wife and myself from the repercussions of the disease. And those who know me personally can attest to the vigor which I give hope to anyone I meet that has the word cancer in their family. I realize this is what I have to do to serve my community. A question came up with my wife, how can we afford the tuition. I said,"I don't know" and left it at that. Deep inside I thought of of a Jedi movie where Qui Gon Jinn was asked the same question of how will they get off the planet with no money. His reply: "a solution will present itself". How deep that George Lucas thinks in creating Star Wars movies!!!!! So I had to sign up or lose my spot in the fellowship. I took the chance after several weeks of self debate (didnt want to worry my wife) and the day I signed up and filled out the fellowship bio, I clicked over to the career tab at the university website just to see what great minds were starting other fellowships....UCLA,- cool, New York -cool, Arizona -cool....and then at the bottom of the page right as I was to click off- there it was; an advertisement for Arlington Heights Illinois. I looked around the room to see if anyone was close by to tell me I may be dreaming! Long story short, I called them up and although First Health Associates was looking for a graduate of the program, my time with the director from handshake on has been something I feel that was planned for a long time.
Its almost like the first time I saw my wife. She was in the dental school, I was in the medical school. The two places were separated by a common area and I would see her walking with her friends all the time. It sounds romantic but the first time I saw her, I felt, this woman is going to be the one I have kids with and grow old. Even though I was in my testosterone driven hunting age to see as many women as possible, she still banished any thought of seeing anyone else again. I kinda questioned myself then thinking why am I feeling like this but in the end, I am glad I followed my heart and listened to the universe.
Serendipity, The Law of Attraction, Postive Thinking, Fate, Gods Way.....what ever you call it, answers are always provided even to the most difficult questions. Just have to turn off the crap around and quiet the mind you to hear them.