This last two years has been a fantastic exercise in letting go for me. Let me explain. Rewind back to 2005, the hospital establishment says you are not making money compared to other docs around the US so we have to change something (paycheck of course). I don't blame them, hospitals are a business and they have to produce revenue. I decided after 10 years, this is not the way I wanted to care for people. Stepped away for 18 months (shhh.....restrictive covenant!) Moved the FL closer to Cristina's (the love of my life) mom and decided to try life in a different region and temperature. Two of the best things that came out of the Florida experience was, winter time and being on the roof to hang xmas lights is awesome! ...and due to lack of many doctors, alternative medicine practitioners are flourishing. I learned herbal medicine working with 2 herbalists. Coming back to IL, I was ready to take on hospital medicine but whoops....I didnt have the deep pockets they have and it was painful to save the money to buy the malpractice, office space, advertising....it even costs money to be able to have a charge account to bill patients. Slowly my wife and I got off the ground.
It was during this time I started to listen to my heart. I started with a trip to Harvard to learn from Herb Benson about the "Relaxation Respone". Taught me not to fight the circumstances that present themselves to me...just make a choice and let the results occur. Being in medicine, we are told the being obsessive compulsive gets things done in an organized fashion. (It also gives ulcers, acne, hemarrhoids, sleepless nights and the need to indulge in one of the drugs in the valium family). Then I get wind of Deepak Chopra coming to Chicago for the first time ever to teach doctors.....to coincidental!!!!! I take the course and more of this universe of "alternative thinking" is revealed. No where in the DSM books of psychiatry or text books of neurology does it state there is a "universe" out there. Everything is a series of electrical impulses and chemical secreations. I this thing called mindful medtation and low and behold!!!!......, my sleep is better, my blood pressure is going down and sex....(well my daughter may read this to nevermind)..I was able to hug mommy without a blue pill without a prescription medicine. In my meditations, it felt good to get up early, change my diet, run daily. I went on to sign up for my first Chicago Marathon, started practicing yoga and eating less processed food. As I let go of my old ways of thinking powerlifting and martial arts are the way to go for "tough guys", I found myself wanting to go daily to yoga. I began thinking about different poses in my sleep. (BTW....just to defend my testosterone...we are talking poses that my old friends at Cirque Du Soleil and some olympian gymnasts would crank out, not just down dog for you naysayers) As I let go of all I thought was "guy stuff", these opportunities began to present themselves without effort.
I have always postponed joining Andrew Weil at the Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine for a whole bunch of reasons.....they actually sent me an application at the time I was asking myself "how else can I increase my footprint to this community and let them know I am not a regular doctor". Of course I got in the fellowship. Then trajedy struck and mom came down with pancreatic cancer.........
But I thought this was perfect, although her docs gave her only weeks to live, I had been introduced to a network of doctors that were world famous for healing patients other doctors give no hope to. Again I saw this as my "dharma" or purpose in life. Perfect timing, in the back of my mind I thought, when I save mom, this will be the ultimate statement that when you listen to the universe, answers come. Unfortunately, my training wasn't in time to reverse her cancer. But it was perfect timeing to help me heal my dad, my daughter my wife and myself from the repercussions of the disease. And those who know me personally can attest to the vigor which I give hope to anyone I meet that has the word cancer in their family. I realize this is what I have to do to serve my community. A question came up with my wife, how can we afford the tuition. I said,"I don't know" and left it at that. Deep inside I thought of of a Jedi movie where Qui Gon Jinn was asked the same question of how will they get off the planet with no money. His reply: "a solution will present itself". How deep that George Lucas thinks in creating Star Wars movies!!!!! So I had to sign up or lose my spot in the fellowship. I took the chance after several weeks of self debate (didnt want to worry my wife) and the day I signed up and filled out the fellowship bio, I clicked over to the career tab at the university website just to see what great minds were starting other fellowships....UCLA,- cool, New York -cool, Arizona -cool....and then at the bottom of the page right as I was to click off- there it was; an advertisement for Arlington Heights Illinois. I looked around the room to see if anyone was close by to tell me I may be dreaming! Long story short, I called them up and although First Health Associates was looking for a graduate of the program, my time with the director from handshake on has been something I feel that was planned for a long time.
Its almost like the first time I saw my wife. She was in the dental school, I was in the medical school. The two places were separated by a common area and I would see her walking with her friends all the time. It sounds romantic but the first time I saw her, I felt, this woman is going to be the one I have kids with and grow old. Even though I was in my testosterone driven hunting age to see as many women as possible, she still banished any thought of seeing anyone else again. I kinda questioned myself then thinking why am I feeling like this but in the end, I am glad I followed my heart and listened to the universe.
Serendipity, The Law of Attraction, Postive Thinking, Fate, Gods Way.....what ever you call it, answers are always provided even to the most difficult questions. Just have to turn off the crap around and quiet the mind you to hear them.
