|(given by an instructor at a Harvard class)|
"when you feel struggle... pause... try to take a step back...give yourself a moments time to find your center...that struggle is a gift a whisper your true self tapping yourself on the shoulder ever so gently to look again cause you always get to choose. Do you react to an obstacle as a negative or do you embrace it as an opportunity with the open hearted knowledge that ... All Will Be Well"
My Dad a gynecologic surgeon used to tell me stories when operating on someone and critical life and death didn't seem like it was going the patients way... he would pause, take a step outside the operating room take a deep breath and open his heart and mind to find the answer OUTSIDE the turmoil of forces trying to make him take the easy way out and "call it".
I usually will tell new patients with insurmountable lists of ailments if we go back in time and think about what happened during the time period before shit hit the fan...we can find the answer of what to reverse. It seems too simplistic BUT I believe if we act to reverse the biggest root cause...all the other subordinate roots will fall into place like a wack a mole game allowing you to see all the moles to hit.
I have made every excuse not to take the proverbial step off the staircase and have dis-empowered myself. My ego gets in the way ruminating on every unlikely scenario that might occur if I go the route of starting my own brick and mortar clinic but honestly with all the complaints I hear from docs who have started and survived without having to be financially rescued by a major health care system...I'M NOT LIKE THEM!!!
I have always had a passion to nurture the human body, fine tune the muscular system, support the digestive system, embrace the spiritual practice of ancient cultures push human performance (both athletic and regular Joe/Jane) to it maximum. I kept on telling Mama I wanted to be an athlete but she reiterated that being a physician would guarantee financial security anywhere in the world. (don't think she would have fathomed how google reviews could make or break even a Harvard graduate). I so appreciate her pushing me into this direction but look where I am:
-sports medicine trained
-integrative medicine fellowship (nutrition)
-yoga instructor and middle aged athlete/coach
When a complicated patient comes in for help, I like listening to their story as I will always try to find the answer they are looking for in the words and language they use. I feel most of use can heal ourselves but just refuse to see the way out of the pit as it is seemingly so difficult to initiate the first step. We have become accustomed to existing in the level of daily suffering and soaking in waves of sympathy every time someone asks "are you OK?" I'm not belittling chronic disease and admit wholeheartedly that I am a fibromyalgia sufferer IN REMISSION but I am not using this as an excuse for not moving on. I've worn the concrete suit that disease gives us and recognize that it is just a chore to get through a single day let alone see a higher calling. My own stumbling feet are intentionally getting in the way of finding the next milestone of aging called wisdom.
I painfully wish my Dad was around just to bounce my ideas off of but I know he gave me the answer to my query a long time ago ... I just have to extract it from his many late night lessons sitting a the kitchen table with a few beers talking about "medicine". I'm taking a moment, finding my center knowing that throughout this struggle I have your spirit behind my shoulder pushing me forward.
I miss you so much but I know what I have to do.
|Osmundo N Saguil, MD|