I am awestruck with how the Universe shows itself every time I stop resisting. It's like hiking a path at night, I know the journey is out there but I can only see what my lamp illuminates. The forces I fight are not "the dark side" luring me to play, they are my feable attepts to try and control for every variable for the future. Lamenting in the past can cause depression, worrying about the future can cause anxiety. It takes effort to maintain but I try to live in the present.
I did this in 2005 when I was sick of a new hospital administration stringing me along and saying its going to be alright as long as you sign a very legally binding contract for 5 years and you keep up with a some MGMA statistic (info pools of large medical practices and how many patients you are supposed to see to be average) If I worried about the future, I would not have been able to leave and start this journey to present day. No question it was hard work to survive the finger pointing from established docs and job interviews with newbie graduates, but I let that stuff go and just grabbed onto any solid step that was placed in my path. Herb Benson from Harvard, Deepak Chopra, Andrew Weil all were part of the universes plan for me to give back. I can confidently say a career of being a medical doctor was just a stepping stone to my true calling of healer. I am honored to have met these world leaders and take bits and pieces of their practice philosophy to evolve mine. I consider myself a neophyte but wonder if I too am supposed to be influencing those that I come in contact with.
Had some free time before another hospital orientation so I stopped by Whole Foods Market. Saw a young premed student I spoke with briefly in the recent past. She congradulated me on getting an appointment to teach at the University of Illinois Medical School. (have to chuckle that after years of being ridiculed as a foreign medical school graduate from the Philippines, now I am being asked to teach by the same people who pushed my application to the bottom of the pile) Last time I spoke with her, she was deciding on which school to pick-UofI or Uof WI Madison. Immediately I started rattling off about Madison WI. Richie Davidson -founder of the Center for Investigating Healthy Minds (most famous subjects include Matthiew Ricard and The Dalai Lama) is a huge proponent to mind-body medicine "the new Herb Benson" of the millenium, built his multi million dollar facility there along with Dave Rakel -previous fellow of Andy Weil, now Director of the UW Integrative Medicine Fellowship. Something special about this place-poised for being a center of healing. I leaned a little to UofI since I am now an appointed teacher/tutor there but considering the fact that she knows so much about nutritional supplements (employee of WFM) she already has a step above all medical school candidates-she understands how food can heal. I was so happy to hear she made a choice to move and continue premed in Madison! I saw the reservation in her face about the stress of moving. I then reflected on where I am now and wondered if I had the same look back in 2005. I've moved my family into 2 states, 3 different houses, applied to a new hospital every 3 years. The difference is the career keeps me appealing to hospitals that want experienced docs (for standard pay) so there is always a job. The difference is the calling brings me to a more beautiful vista with every move forward. It seems like a logarithmic unfolding of some master plan the universe has in mind. It's daunting to know that while I consider myself a student, I will have to start teaching my style of healing and help others get to this point. My courage is fueled by the fact that even now, someones application is being placed at the bottom of the pile and that person may be responsible for my family, my patients, my community.
